April 14, 2017 (Madison, WI) — As spring is ushered into Central Wisconsin, so too are the sounds of the nation’s most beloved office pastime, recreational softball leagues. The crack of the bat, umpires calling a player safe, and Wendy from HR crying in her leased Jetta after the game because she totally embarrassed herself in front of Blake, the office hunk. Yes, spring is in the air at Municipal Field, but for longtime Colonial Inc. so is turmoil.
As a company, Colonial Inc. provides families with furniture to warm their homes, but the clubhouse for their softball team is anything but cozy. This year, the Colonial Inc.’s softball team, The Rebels, appointed a new team captain, Charles Meeks. Meeks was considered an unconventional choice to even be on the team with his background in high-end furniture sales. Past teams have been generally made up of warehouse workers and production lines specialists. Men and women who have played a sport in their lives.
Once appointed captain, Meeks brought with him his trusted advisors, Kenneth Hull and his son-in-law Robert Class. Both Hull and Class come from Colonial Corporate, once more jettisoning the prior Rebel team makeup of athletic players. Despite this variance during the first two weeks of the season, the Rebels had a respectable 2-2 record. Quickly though, reports of infighting began to surface that Hull and Class both wanted to play shortstop, the team’s star position. The team’s record fell to an almost historic low early in the season, leaving Meeks looking as though he shouldn’t have been appointed captain in the first place. The team’s second basemen, Leslie Nagle, believes a possible shake-up is coming for the Rebels.
“At first, when I heard Meeks was team captain, sure I was thrown off a bit,” said Nagle, wearing a “Drink Wisconsinably” t-shirt. “Then he gave the team a rousing speech before one of our games, and we all thought, ‘Hey, maybe we should give this guy a shot.’ Kenny and Rob then started clashing at work and at games appearing to try to get Meeks’ attention, and they’ve really started to butt heads. I think Meeks is ready to kick Kenny off the team. He wouldn’t cut Rob. He never wants to do anything to upset his daughter. They have a weird relationship I stay out of, but people talk at the watercooler.”
The internal strife couldn’t be happening at a worse time for the Meeks-led Rebels. Losing record aside, allegations have also been made against the team for colluding with league rival Jefferson Concrete to throw games. Some theories have the conspiracy going all the way up to Meeks himself, which would have dire consequences on the rest of the season. Whether Meeks truly is deciding on cutting Hull from the team is anyone’s guess, but this week Hull was moved down in the batting order from third to seventh. Perhaps a sign of what’s to come for the future of the Colonial Rebels softball team.
Anthony Salerno is from Buffalo, New York. He is a current DCH student and performs with Ewing Troupe: Clementine. When he’s not working at Improv or his day job, he’s trying to talk himself out of buying Uncrustables at the grocery store.
(Image: Sun Current staff photo by John Sherman)